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Thursday, June 14, 2012

Paktology Lesson 1: Communication

"The furthest distance in a relationship is when LOVE no longer exists." - Pastor Sun Kai.

21 minutes ago, we just had ended our 6th lesson for 'Love You Won't Halt You' (Ai Ni Bu Ai Ni) Relationship night course, organized by Hock Ing Methodist Church, Kapit, on the fundamental topic 'COMMUNICATION'.

Personally, I strongly regard communication as the top priority of a relationship.  Trust, Patience, Love are important; but I just can't see myself in a relationship where there are no communication taking place.  So, here I am, sharing what I recalled.

1.  Pastor highly recommend the book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'.  I've always heard of that book but I think, it is finally the right time to ship in that book to Kapit :)

     He shared the story:  a man in Mars used the telescope to explore he stars and galaxy from Mars; while a girl in Venus used her telescope to admire the stars.  *struck!* Their eyes fixed!  Love at first sight! They decided to meet up at Earth.  haha!

2.  Change of role/status.  Men and women, we play different roles in life; but when we are home, we should put our career at office and change back to husband-wife.

    Story:  Queen Victoria came home one night.  Her husband did not open the bedroom door from her.  She knocked, he asked, "Who are you?"  She answered, "Queen Victoria."  Her husband continued to ignore and she repeatedly knocked 3 times.  Finally, she answered "I'm honey, darling."  The door immediately swung open :)

3.  Ball A--> B ---> C.  A complete circle of communication consists of these 3 ways.


    Wife:  Lao kong, we'll be having dinner with church members at 6:40pm ya.
    Husband: (heard but didn't answer)
    Wife:  (while taking bath, asked from shower) What time is it now?
    Husband:  6:40pm (watching television)
    Wife: What time is it again?  (makeup and gets ready)
    Husband: It was 6:40pm when you showered, so should be 6:50pm now...
    Wife: Gosh, we're late!

    (Hm..not a very clear example. But, do you get the message?  It's basically, we should state our mind clearly, partner question for confirmation, and we answer again to affirm.  Remember, A - B - C. Perhaps this is for important messages, so as not to cause misunderstanding.)

4.  How would you react to your partner in the following situations?
    (a)  Angry/ disagreement.
    (b)  Happy.
    (c)  Persistent/ Stubborn.
    (d)   When you WANT something.

5..  5 ways of showing love.

    (a) Affirmation. 'Darling, you are so clever! I never thought of solving XXX with XXX." Men need more affirmation than women, agree? And when we are throwing compliments and affirmations of their strengths, it has to be sincere and honest.  He can easily sense you lying, ladies.

   (b)  Presents.  Is there anyone who doesn't love to receive presents?  Well, when we talk about presents, we do not necessarily mean Coach wristlet, Paris Honeymoon, Toyota Camry or iPhone. A birthday card with thoughtful wishes, a book you know he/she is interested in, or just a couple T-shirt will do.

  (c)  'Jing Xing' (I'm trying to think of the English term) It basically means "My eyes are only on You!',  You are my focus/priority in life.

  (d)  Service.  "Lao Kong, thank you so much for cooking xxx for dinner! I'm the luckiest woman in the world!"  "Wifey, thank you so much for the massage.  I felt so much relax now. Love you lots!"

 (e)  Physical Touch.  Mostly for husband and wives.  Couples who are not married are not advised to be physically intimate as this will not make the marriage holy nor will the marriage's first night be memorable.  Holding hands and a pat of the head will do.

Which of the above ways is your first choice? Feel free to share your thoughts. And since there are no entertainment at Kapit, I welcome you to be my Paktology coursemate via email: lucy_silverin87@hotmail.com

May God bless those singles who are ready to be in a relationship to meet your other half, communicate with each other sincerely, listen, understand each others' family background because no family is the same, and marriage is not only about 2 person, but 2 families.  And to those couples who are in a relationship, may God bless you all with trust, patience and a healthy communication.


  1. bu gan dang. haha, thanks, stay tune to the next episode, Prof Tang :P